Fly With Me
by Bedlam Flux
Summary: “Love and sickening, heartwrenching agony. Basically synonymous if you ask me…” JOC
1. The Hardest Thing to Do

**Title: **_Fly With Me_

**Summary: "Love and sickening, heart-wrenching agony. Basically synonymous if you ask me…" **

**Author:** _AbaddonsMisery_

**Song:** _Goodbye __**Air Supply**_

* * *

_**Preface**_

_The Hardest Thing to Do_

_A mighty pain to love it is,  
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;  
But of all pains, the greatest pain  
It is to love, but __love__ in vain._**  
**_**Abraham Cowley**_

* * *

"I can't believe you went." 

"Really? I thought it was pretty believable."

Leah rolled her eyes, her sharp gaze back on me in seconds, "Jac_ob_," she wined, "what the hell is your problem? I'm sick, _deathly sick_ of all your self-pity. I mean she's his _wife_ now, for fuck's sake!"

One of my eyebrows pulled down as I chucked another rock over the crystal clear surface of the ocean. It skipped once, twice, before sinking to the bottom, its ripples the only apparent sign that there had ever been a rock at all. They fanned out over the surface, disappearing into each other in succession. Leah fell silent, knowing I wasn't going to answer her, knowing I would probably never consciously touch on the subject of Bella Swan again. But my thoughts… they would betray me in moments.

Leah sighed next to me, scooting closer, placing a hand on my shoulder. I could not only feel her tension, but see it clearly in her positioning. She was rigid, her lip between her teeth and her eyes focused hard on the horizon, "We have to let go of the things we love most if we're not meant to keep them. Life's like that, Jake. Completely _wrong_, you know?

"But you have to believe that there's someone out there who will make your heart sing. Trust me, _please_."

I shook my head, "I've already found her," I muttered sourly, my voice betraying my stoic expression, "and lost her, too."

Quietly, my companion rose, but I could still feel her gaze—searching, wandering over my form, over my stubbornness, "Don't shut yourself out just yet, or you'll miss it."

"It?" I asked, perplexed, "It, what?"

Leah smirked, and her quick whit and unemotional façade had corrupted her again, "You'll see, lover boy, you'll see."

* * *

All the aggravation

You know theres a better way for you and me to be

Look for a rainbow in every storm

* * *

_I know, I know. I shouldn't be starting something else. But I need to procrastinate. It's the ticket to my success. Promise._

_Review for me. And for my most loyal of reviewers ( those of you who have stuck with me all the way through **Ambrosia** so far) I''ll let you in on the name of that book. Kay?_


	2. She Whispers Goodbye

**Title:**_Fly With Me_

**Summary: "Love and sickening, heart-wrenching agony. Basically synonyms if you ask me…" **

**Author:** _AbaddonsMisery_

**Song:** _One More Sad Song __**All American Rejects**_

* * *

_**One**_

_She __Whispers Goodbye_

_-_

_Whoever loved that loved not at first sight?_

_**Christopher Marlowe**_

* * *

****

I never thought I'd be _that kid_.

The one who dropped out of school for some dead end job, or some 'get rich quick' scheme. I always thought I'd graduate, be the first man in my family to make something of myself. I always thought I'd pack up my stuff one day and just drive—make it to the _East_ Coast before I even thought about turning around.

But I couldn't do any of that now.

I was trapped. Trapped by a curse that I'd never wish upon even my worst enemy. Trapped by superstitions belonging to an ancient race of my ancestors. Trapped by responsibilities I never asked for and still didn't completely accept. Trapped by the fact that I wouldn't, _couldn't_ leave Forks until I forgot about _Her_. I was like a criminal sentenced to a lifetime on a beach without the possibility of parole. I'd live on the reservation by the sea for the rest of my life, at least, until the threat was gone, and I could actually say I was an adult. Not indefinitely seventeen.

The sun faded into the horizon, casting an illusionary glow over the sand, turning it from beige to an angry scarlet. My thoughts, however, were far from here, drifting over places I'd probably never see.

"Jake!" Quil stumbled out of the bushes, looking disheveled and worn—like we all were these days, startling me. He smiled when his eyes locked with mine, a kind of relief in his grin, and ungracefully dropped down next to me in the sand.

"You're practically invisible when I can't hear what you're thinking," he commented lightly, eyes now trained solely on the horizon.

"Sometimes I like to a have a little privacy," I hinted, only earning a short-lived glare from him.

"No such thing."

I shrugged—a non-committal gesture to show that I really wasn't for talking about the pack now. It was all my life revolved around lately, and I hadn't phased in hours just to isolate myself.

"Well, I've got news," Quil smirked at the ground, picking up a small piece of driftwood and drawing a design in the sand. He was making a large arc when I looked back up at his face, prompting him to continue, "Some visitors just arrived on the rez. Only I heard they're here to _stay_."

I dropped my patient smile and frowned, "That's... it? Someone moves in down the street and it's suddenly big news?"

Quil laughed, tossing his stick like a Frisbee into the ocean, "We live on a reservation, Jake. Population; Nonexistent. I'd say it's pretty big when that number increases." He looked over his shoulder, smiling conspiratorially, "they've got a daughter our age…" he hedged.

"I'm done with females." I muttered, almost growling, "I refuse to even _look_ at them."

An image of Jared and Kim flashed through my mind, followed closely by one of Emily and Sam. Imprinting was something I'd given hours of thought to. As much as I wished for it to be Bella, as much as I tried to force it on her in the time we'd had together a few months ago, it just didn't happen. So then, who would it be?

I refused to even _attempt_ a search.

It just wasn't worth it. No girl would measure up to the standards Bella had unconsciously set. The ones_ I'd_ set.

Quil muttered something unintelligible, his brow coming together at the center, "Anyway, the dad is some ex-prodigal Macah who was disowned by his father for marrying someone outside the tribe. There's two kids, a girl, like I said, and a boy. He's a year younger than us."

"I'm amazed how much you pay attention to the gossip your grandma deals out," I intoned dryly, sagging back onto my elbows.

"Actually," Quil chuckled, "I got all of this from Billy."

"Figures," I groaned, rolling my eyes. Exhausted, I dropped back fully into the beach's hold, not caring at the moment that I'd be full of sand when… _if_ I ever decided to get up. Quil ran a hand through his hair that was growing at an alarming pace. He'd been cutting it every couple of weeks now, just to stop it reaching below his ears. He didn't much like the shaggy coat.

My own hair had been shaved early this morning to about two or three inches from my head. It was strange, not feeling the disheveled mane when I went to muss it up. I hated feeling nothing there but scalp—but my fur was getting too long to do any good for my running.

"Jacob," Quil said hesitantly, "the real reason I'm here…"

I had forgotten that Quil had been looking for me before we'd jumped in to our banter. He seemed preoccupied, as if he would rather be doing anything else right now.

"The leeches are leaving tonight—for good," Quil paused, gauging my reaction with a face full of pity, "Sam just finished talking with the leader. Bella… came to say goodbye, but we couldn't find you."

A dark cloud—or maybe my own bad luck bunching together into a storm—settled over my head. I sat up slowly, trying to imagine Bella, her eyes searching for only me among the faces of my pack. She hadn't found me and had returned home, just to leave forever. I could nearly see her driving away down the interstate, hand in hand with her new _husband_.

There was a moment of split decisions, where I debated upon leaving the things the way they were. No goodbyes, not even a '_see you later'_.

"Tell Sam I'll be back," I muttered, slipping my white sweatshirt over my head, "I have to…"

Quil understood, even without needing to hear the words, he could see in my eyes that I needed to go to her. Just this last time—her last day to live. The last day I would see her human, hear her breathing, watch her cry.

The last day of our friendship. Because tomorrow we would be enemies.

* * *

The Rabbit came to stop next to her driveway, where his silver Volvo was parked—shiny and glorious as mine was not. I think he was _everything_ that I wasn't. Jealousy reared its ugly head again, forcing me to sort of scowl. There was already an air of desolation, of misery in the air, all exuding from me. I couldn't _believe_, didn't want to even _understand_ today would be the very last time I'd see her, the last instant I could lavish in her scent, the last words we'd share. Was everything really all over?

The front door of Charlie's house opened and Bella stepped out, balancing a box on her hip. She swiped a strand of hair from in front of her eyes, blowing out a dull breath from between her lips. Slowly, almost forebodingly, she found my car with her chocolate gaze. The box slipped to the floor as she stared through the window at me.

I turned, opening the car door, stepping out into the misty afternoon.

"Hey Bells," I greeted, stretching my fingers in a pitiful wave.

"Jake," she tried to smile, but her lips were already quivering, "I went to the rez this morning… to find you. But you weren't… you were already gone," she looked down, tears of a foreign emotion slipping down her cheeks. She could only whisper the rest, "I thought I would never see you again."

I chuckled softly; halting her laments, and strode awkwardly across the lawn towards her. I could hear the bloodsucker in the living room, both he and Charlie acting as though they weren't listening to our conversation. He was stiff, not breathing, probably waiting to see if I would kiss her again.

"Bella," I grasped her tiny shoulder between my hand, smiling down at her. I was done with fighting for her, because there was nothing left to fight _for_. There was a ring on her finger, a marriage that was set in stone, a heart that knew exactly what it wanted—and it wasn't me.

"I just came to say goodbye, Bells" I whispered carefully, watching the tears rush faster, blending into the fabric of her shirt. Her face scrunched into a grimace, and she shot a detached look back at the house. When she turned around again, her lip was between her teeth, and her eyes portrayed a broken smile.

"Jacob," she gasped, her voice still wavering out of her control, "I'm sorry that I'm leaving," she blubbered, inhaling deeply until her throat cracked with the effort. She regained a little control only to lose it again in her next few words, "that I'll never see you move on…fall in love….have _kids_," she stopped herself for a second, looking straight into my eyes, "I'm sorry we can't be friends anymore, Jake."

I pulled her into my arms, a part of me loving the sound of the leech's quiet snarl as he simmered in the living room, "We'll always be friends, Bella," I whispered, my lips moving against her hair. She shook in my arms, laughter breaking through her tears, "I'll always remember you as you are now—my best friend, the clumsy brunette who tripped into my life one night. And you'll always remember _me_," she grasped me tighter around the waist, her dainty hands trying to encircle me completely, "the wolf-boy who was just another freak of nature in your paranormal life. The guy who made you happy—if only temporarily."

I pulled away from her, reaching back to untangle her arms from around me. All I could do was stare at her, watch the way her smile fought for control of her lips, and the way her eyes were starting to redden and swell. Through the tears, she still looked beautiful to me. Perfect. Surreal.

I ran my thumb over her cheeks, her tears jumping from her skin to mine. Water settled inside the bottom of her eyelid, and she looked like a lost child. I could only hope she would find her way, that she was making the right decision—living forever. Would her love last, or would it crumble? Would he stay by her forever, or would he leave her behind, like he had done before?

_My God_, would he even be able to control his instincts when he… changed her?

I closed my eyes, pressing my forehead to hers, inhaling her smell.

"I love you, Bella," I told her sincerely. She covered her mouth; her quiet, almost silent sobs wouldn't allow her words. Pulling back, my hands fell to my sides in resignation. I nodded at the house, where Charlie was anxiously peering out the window. He gave a perplexed wave in return, but I wasn't really saying goodbye to _him._

I was saying goodbye to the winner, the leech, _the enemy_.

_If you ever feel like offing yourself again,_ I thought as I backed towards my car, staring only at the woman falling to pieces on the porch, _you know where to find me. Otherwise, best of luck, and take care of my girl._

My car purred to life, and I drove away, Bella left behind me, the last word slipping from her lips like some ancient and forgotten

* * *

_Iris_ _**Goo Goo Dolls**_

_**A few days later...**_

_**

* * *

**_

My legs carried me to distant places, places outside of La Push, outside of Washington, places I could feel like I was flying. To mountain tops and rivers that I didn't even know the names of. To country sides and cities, to towns and playgrounds that were miles away. Running had become my nature, my guilty pleasure. And now that the vampires had gone, now that _she…_ was _gone_, my time as a wolf would slowly end. No threat meant that there was nothing left to guard La Push against. No threat meant I could be normal again.

But was that what I wanted?

Or would there always be a looming hazard on our horizon? Vampires were everywhere, weren't they? Hidden among humankind as if they belonged there. So wouldn't I always be this way—a wolf in boy's clothing?

And was I looking forward to having to guard my people for more than a lifetime?

My mind was so scattered… I hardly knew what to think anymore. Even the little decisions seemed overwhelming. And no where in La Push offered solace.

_Come home, Jake_. Sam was a constant companion in my thoughts, always wondering where I went off to every time he sent us home for the night. _Do you even sleep anymore, kid?_

The truth was that I hardly did. For when I slept, I dreamt of her and of him—happy and beautiful in their immortality. And when I woke I only felt worse because the nightmares stayed with me all day. But when I ran myself to the point of exhaustion, I could sleep dreamlessly and without interruption. The Apocalypse wouldn't wake me.

A car engine hummed in the distance as it chugged along the tiny country road I had been following for miles, and my ears perked up at the sound of it. It was near two o'clock in the morning, an hour after Sam had decided that we should all give up our search for any stray vampires and head home. Only I'd done what I'd been doing for months—taken off running in the exact opposite direction.

I was tired though, and if I didn't start back towards La Push, I'd end up sleeping on the forest floor of some town in North Washington instead. I followed the car back towards the Olympic Peninsula, getting lost once again in my speed. Getting lost in myself.

* * *

_Please stay, don't go away  
The hardest thing is letting go of you  
Stay, don't go away  
The hardest thing is letting go of you  
what can I do?_

* * *

_**I know, it's short. Next one is longer, actually, and should be up next week. What do you think so far though? Good, bad, boring? Let me know your thoughts. I accept flames, but don't think I won't have anything to say back to them!**_

_-Abaddon_


	3. In The Pieces

**Title: **_Fly With Me_

**Summary: "Love and sickening, heart-wrenching agony. Basically synonymous if you ask me…" **

**Author:** _AbaddonsMisery_

**Song:** _Long Way to Happy __**Pink**_

* * *

_Two_

_**In The Pieces**_

_The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved._

_**Mother Teresa of Calcutta**_

* * *

"Dad." 

I nodded at Billy in greeting as I stepped into the house from my early morning trip down to the store. A Coke can was grasped in my hand, perspiring as it was exposed to my extreme body heat. Billy looked up from his paper, removing the glasses perched on the end of his nose. His eyebrows scrunched in the middle as he shot a glance at my bedroom door, then back at me.

"I thought you were still sleeping," he said, his voice an echo of the low, masculine growl it used to be, "how long have you been out?"

Smiling, I placed another Coke in the fridge, watching it creak shut as I let go of the handle, "An hour or so," I said lightly, "I went with some of the guys to take a swim." Shaking my damp hair for emphasis, I leaned on the counter, sipping from my can.

Dad opened his mouth, and I could see in his eyes that he was about to reprimand me for not sleeping, but a knock on the door interrupted him. Billy switched his razor-sharp stare from me to the doorway, where Quil and Embry were now standing, looking like very big deer caught in the headlights of a semi.

I chuckled, "Hey."

Billy didn't much appreciate my relief of the fact that my friends had shown up, and he snorted, pulling his newspaper back up to his face. He continued to grunt and mumble as I sidled past our tiny kitchen table and out the door, shoving Quil along as I went. Embry was already standing on the dirt road in front of my porch.

"Trouble at home?" he asked, making a line in the dust with his bare toe. I shrugged, dropping down to sit on the steps. Quil lingered by the small railing.

"I've heard it all lately; _'Are you sleeping?'_ '_You're still awake?'_ I just don't think he gets that I'm not really into shut-eye right now," I waved my hand around in the air, reaching up to pass my fingers through my hair.

"Don't you think it's making you less alert?" Quil asked, almost as if he were talking to himself, "I mean... couldn't you use a nap?"

As if to prove his point, a yawn erupted from my mouth and I grinned lazily up at the morning sun, "Nah."

Embry rolled his eyes, probably thinking how childish it was to try to escape my dreams. He returned his watch to me, "Sam wants us at Emily's. It's about the new kid."

I cocked an eyebrow, mildly interested, "The girl?"

"Nope," Quil grinned secretively, taking my intrigue for something more significant, "her brother."

"Oh," I drew out the word, "Sam thinks he'll phase?"

"We're about to find out, I guess."

* * *

Emily had made muffins, and I was downing them like a starving man at a buffet. She was watching me from the counter; her elbows perched behind her to hold her weight, her face twisted into a disgusted frown. 

"You're sweeping my floor after this, you know."

I laughed, swallowing a rather large bite of blueberry muffin, "Got it."

Sam swept through the door, shooting me a strange look as he went to peck Emily on her ruined lips. I turned away from them, back to Embry and Quil whose rapt attentions were on the tiny television. Sam was muttering something to Emily as he sat down across from me, reaching for the last muffin.

"So I hear the new kid's gonna be one of us," I said, trying to make my voice nonchalant to hide my interest, "and his sister?"

Sam's shaggy hair fell into his eyes as he shook his head, swallowing before he answered me, "Evie hasn't shown any signs of a transformation. Alex on the other hand, has a constant temperature of one-oh-two."

"You've met them?" one of my eyebrows rose as I contemplated their names. _Evie and Alex, Alex and Evie_.

"Emily did," he smiled at her over his shoulder, and I almost felt smothered by the tangible waves of tenderness that tainted the air, "met them both at the store yesterday night while we were… busy. The father came to talk to me this morning as well. He knows about the myths."

"They're sweet kids," Emily chimed in (cutting off my interrogation of her fiancée) her gaze somewhere out the open door, "Evie is shy, though I'm sure that will change when she meets you boys."

"Ah yes," Embry rose from his spot on the floor, coming to lean against the wall behind me, "survival of the fittest." Distantly, I wondered why there was only the four of us here. Brady, Seth and Collin, I understood were still in school, as was Jared. But Paul and Leah should have been present.

"And Alex?" Quil asked, drawing my mind back to the conversation. His eyes were glued to the TV, but he was speaking to Emily, "does he have the temper yet?"

Before she could answer, something nagged at the back of my mind, "Wait… why is he phasing at all? The… _Cullens_ are gone."

Sam bobbed his head, contemplating, "It seems Forks is an attraction for vampires. I mean, it _is_ the perfect place to remain anonymous. The rain, the clouds, the population…"

I growled quietly, "But we haven't found _anything_, any trace, in all these weeks."

Quil's brow came together to form a dark 'V' in the center of his forehead, "Do you think they're… humane? Like the others were?"

"_Humane_?" Embry spat, sucker punching Quil in the shoulder, "they eat humans for _breakfast_, no way are they anywhere close to _humane_."

Quil scowled, rubbing his sore arm, "You know what I meant."

"Anyways," Sam drew all attention back to him with a loud cough, "Jake, I want you to take Paul and Embry with you tonight, and stake out the Caddo's place. If Alex phases, get him out of there before he hurts someone."

I nodded, looking around for Paul, remembering that he was absent, "Where is that hot-head, anyways?"

"Leah is down at the school, watching Alex, and Paul… I have no clue where Paul is," Sam looked to Embry and Quil for an answer, but they just shrugged.

"Sorry I'm late, guys," Paul shuffled through the doorway, face dirtied, clothes torn, "got in a little scuffle with Seth, here."

Behind him, Seth came in looking disheveled but better than his companion. A large smile spread across my face and I chuckled at Paul, "Got beat by another newbie, Paul? Losing your touch?"

"Care to see?" he growled, flexing his fist.  
"Relax," Sam warned us, secretively shooting a look at Emily through the corner of his eye, "aren't you both old enough to know violence isn't the answer?"

"Oh," Paul rolled his eyes, "right, right, so did you not freak out last week and practically tear me a second whole to breath out of?"

Sam gave him a partial grin, "You always did know how to piss me off."

* * *

Embry, Paul and I took over Leah's shift of babysitting. I knew I wasn't too happy, having to be the guard dog. I always got stuck with the security jobs, never the SWAT missions. Except, maybe, for the fight in the mountains. 

_How was school?_ I asked Leah as she passed us, her bulky form shaking with repressed growls of irritation.

_Don't start with me, kid. _

I watched her go, disappearing through the trees as lithely as a shadow. Her thoughts still lingered though, _Stupid Jacob…_ until they were suddenly cut off. She had phased back.

_Guess that's him. _

Embry had spotted Alex, blazing out of the school with a teacher hot on his tail.

"Mr. Caddo!" she trilled, her voice like fingernails racing along a chalkboard. I'd had her my freshman year and she was more a harpy than Leah could be.

"Mr. Caddo! You have detention!"

Alex didn't turn; the only change in his demeanor was a slight smile quirking up one side of his lip. Embry gave a low growl of satisfaction. _Detention on his first day, huh?_

Paul, on the other hand, was not pleased, _Looks like he'll be another Jake. Dropping out as soon as the going gets tough._

_Shut up._

We stayed in the trees, trailing Alex as he made his angry way down the dirt road. Unlike everyone else in the reservation, the Caddos seemed to have a nice sized house, buried back in the woods that surrounded the reservation. It was one story—two would be a little like a mansion in a place like this—but still spacious. The kitchen was the space visible through the front window, and a small portion of the living room.

_They must be pretty well off,_ Quil reciprocated my thoughts as Alex slammed the door to his room somewhere in the house where we couldn't see him. The next minute, a computer booted up and then quiet music was heard.

_I guess we'll have to wait for the perks, _Paul decided, shooting me a look, _you know, the sister._

I rolled my eyes, settling down in the dirt. Quil mimicked me, though Paul stayed alert, always taking things too seriously. I could tell Quil was still tense, but I ignored the questions lingering on the edge of his subconscious. I didn't really want to know what he was thinking. My own mind was challenge enough for me.

It wandered to Bella every time I had a moment to myself, which was why I was trying to keep busy. What was she doing now, human or vampire? I imagined her new life in a place so far from home, with only the leeches to keep her company. I worried for Charlie too, a little angered that Bella would leave him like that, alone and oblivious just like when her mother had deserted him. The old police chief waiting in his recliner for the daughter that would never come home.

What had she told him, anyways? _I'll be gone for a couple of years dad, you know, nothing big. Just being turned into a parasite by my new hubby. _

My thoughts raced everywhere at once, creating scenarios, remembering happier, more normal times when there was only humanity in the picture. No werewolves. No vampires. No one but Bella and I to pass the days.

Memories crept up on me like forbidden shadows, one's I'd locked away in the farthest recesses of my mind, hoping to never dwell on them again. But who was I kidding? I would never really let her go.

_"You think we'll stay like this forever?" Bella had asked one night, sipping on a coke I'd just bought for her down at the store. We walked, hand in hand, side by side back to my house, where Charlie and Billy were watching the game. She looked up at me, those big, brown eyes full of questions and hurt. Always hurt. _

_"Nah," I'd shrugged, my smile falling as soon as she wasn't looking, "we'll get older, and live next door to each other," _or in the same room,_ "get married," _to each other, _"and be happy, you know?" _with me, Bella, couldn't you have been happy with _me?_

Quil pawed at me, and I opened my eyes, surprised to see that dusk had fallen while I'd been lost in my head. He gave me the same look he'd been giving me since _they'd_ left, a look of pure concern, before switching his gaze back to the house. Something was happening in there.

"Alex, honey?"

His mother was home, her figure visible in the shaded window. Her tone was anxious, and the next second, sounds of a struggle were heard in the room behind the kitchen. Alex's room.

"Mom… something--."

_Time to move_, Paul said seriously, and I could tell now why he'd stayed so alert. It wasn't a show, a way to suck up; it was the action we all should have taken.

_What do we do?_ Quil's mind was worried, split, _bust in there and say 'hey Mrs. Caddo, we're taking your son, have him back by morning.'_

_Exactly._

* * *

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